Becos of reasons that wont ever be cleared from my heart.. i needed sth to distract myself from this pain, with.
Watched our videos frm old times. those times that maybe not much before i was thinking they were happiest period of my life. those times that i hardly was at 1st grade of highschool. watching them yes made me smile.. i confess it was a great distraction. but now i dont think they were happiest times! i love myself much better now especially these days.. dunno but ppl change when their heart break.. and i changed again! nah not major changes they started to happen when we moved qom and thank god that we moved. but now a bit i changed!
i feel.. maybe im closer to god now, he says hes in broken hearts isnt he??
anyway yes it was a good distraction but only for a moment i watched. what do i do now to stop these careless tears? stupid tears!!
ps. one day someone said a poem for me, i dont remember all of it i was child back then(yet i am! a stupid one opposite my age) but i remember a part of it when i feel miserable (like now!): "Melika! dont be sad, think about your life its not so bad!"
No its not even a bit bad alhamdulellah its so good but..
I wish i was a robot! a heartless one!:D
I wish i had a "closed sign for my mind to stop these annoying thoughts.
I wish i could erase my memory..
YES! my god i just need an accident! not with much physical harm i never wish to lose my is health but a bit harm that is enough to clear all the memory of my last to yrs would be great!
i can survive then! i dont need any of that..sadly!
never i never regret for last two yrs. i experienced sth beautiful sth pure.. but i just dont want to remember! cos then i want more..
like if u give a poor person a big chocolate cake. when its finished he wants more but he cant have..
im the poor person!
ah.. day after tom is friday.. jome bekheir! mobarak!!..
خدایا به بزرگیت! به قدرتت! همون دعای همیشگی ;)