گوشه ای در انزوای خیال، با دست های زیر چانه، بی توجه به سردی افکارت، مسخ مبهمات و هیچ و پوچ هایی. در سکوت بی پرده ی اتاق، فقط تیک و تاک هشدار دهنده ی ثانیه هاست که دورت طناب شده، نکند سقوط کنی و غرق نقطه های بی انتهای ذهنت شوی.
وای به روزی که طناب پاره شود و تو غرق خیال..
وای تر به روزی که گوشت به همین تیک و تاک هم کر شود. آن وقتست که با همان طناب حلق آویزی.
+وای بر من اگر به خوابم. وای اگر خواب بمانم.
آدم ها دوست دارند که خودشان را گول بزنند و خودشان را گول میزنند و با گول زدن آدم های دیگر باز هم خودشان را به طور مضاعف گول میزنند!
+دلم که میگیرد، تمام اکسیژن های دنیا با دو تا هیدروژن، اشک میشوند و روی گونه ام جشن میگیرند!
So days go after days. Travelling too fast and does not let you feel the way you felt before. Well true, thats natural and that may be even a gift. Just imagine how wrong could it be if your feelings were not supposed to change over time. Thats what i call a total disaster! Lol anyways thank god for not letting this disaster happen.
Some people say life is beautiful. Some say life is so damn cruel.
But i say life is just life!! It can be beautiful or not can have ups and downs but its you who decides to see and make it whether enjoyable or just a place to suffer!! Then it can never make any sense blaming life and days and time for harsh moments you experience or worse, some blame other people and hate them like the reason of all the suffering they ever had in their lives! I may hate those someones!
Anywayssssss! All these spoiled explainings for just showing the world that im alive and this place is also, indeed.
I need here for expressing myself so the blood will always rush in "my world"'s veins!!!
No matter i look like this. :| or this :-) or this :-( !!!!!
Such a chain, such a pain, such a shame.. Such a change... And now: such a day :)
HOW would you feel when you see the person you have always trusted in broken??
how would you feel when the person you have never believed she would be wrong is broken?
how would you feel when dreams are broken?
i feel nothing!
not anymore. not a thing.
i don't feel down.
i just feel nothing.
Idols will always break...
Screw world i wanna travel back in time I can't stand it anymore..
for the one who knows me better than I know: "I still need your support. I always do. so never leave me by my own.." ... (elahi amin)
Becos of reasons that wont ever be cleared from my heart.. i needed sth to distract myself from this pain, with.
Watched our videos frm old times. those times that maybe not much before i was thinking they were happiest period of my life. those times that i hardly was at 1st grade of highschool. watching them yes made me smile.. i confess it was a great distraction. but now i dont think they were happiest times! i love myself much better now especially these days.. dunno but ppl change when their heart break.. and i changed again! nah not major changes they started to happen when we moved qom and thank god that we moved. but now a bit i changed!
i feel.. maybe im closer to god now, he says hes in broken hearts isnt he??
anyway yes it was a good distraction but only for a moment i watched. what do i do now to stop these careless tears? stupid tears!!
ps. one day someone said a poem for me, i dont remember all of it i was child back then(yet i am! a stupid one opposite my age) but i remember a part of it when i feel miserable (like now!): "Melika! dont be sad, think about your life its not so bad!"
No its not even a bit bad alhamdulellah its so good but..
I wish i was a robot! a heartless one!:D
I wish i had a "closed sign for my mind to stop these annoying thoughts.
I wish i could erase my memory..
YES! my god i just need an accident! not with much physical harm i never wish to lose my is health but a bit harm that is enough to clear all the memory of my last to yrs would be great!
i can survive then! i dont need any of that..sadly!
never i never regret for last two yrs. i experienced sth beautiful sth pure.. but i just dont want to remember! cos then i want more..
like if u give a poor person a big chocolate cake. when its finished he wants more but he cant have..
im the poor person!
ah.. day after tom is friday.. jome bekheir! mobarak!!..
خدایا به بزرگیت! به قدرتت! همون دعای همیشگی ;)